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  Sean Ashcroft

  Copyright © 2018 by Sean Ashcroft

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Chapter One

  Isaac settled back in the comfy chair he’d snagged earlier in the night, closing his eyes and letting the sounds of the bar wash over him. Three drinks in, he was happy, and floaty, and the future seemed manageable. Bright, even.

  “Am I boring you?” the guy who’d bought his last drink for him asked.

  Isaac opened his eyes again, shaking his head. “No, not at all.”

  Honestly, he wasn’t. He’d recognized Isaac, sure, and sometimes that led to an uncomfortable conversation with a fan, but this guy… hadn’t really seemed to care who Isaac was, except that he was familiar.

  They’d been chatting about entirely normal things for about half an hour now. He was a lawyer, apparently, in town for some high-profile case or other.

  He definitely dressed like it, well-groomed from head to toe. Isaac knew how to take care of himself, but he felt outright scruffy next to this guy.

  Tim? Yeah, that sounded right. He suddenly wished he was better with names.

  “Good.” Tim shuffled a little closer to him, leaning back as well, his shoulder brushing against Isaac’s. A glance at his phone told Isaac it was a little after two a.m.

  Time for good boys to be in bed.

  He’d never been accused of being a good boy, though.

  “So you live around here?” Tim asked.

  “Yeah,” Isaac said. He wouldn’t normally have admitted to a stranger where he lived, even that broadly, but Tim seemed harmless. Charming, soft-spoken, but smart, too. He’d been good company.

  “Beautiful neighborhood. It’s not Chicago, but…”

  “Hey, it’s New York. Most magical place on Earth,” Isaac argued, turning to look at Tim.

  He was close enough to see the flecks of amber in his hazel eyes, even in the low light.

  Tim smiled a warm, bright smile at him. “You’re thinking of Disneyland,” he said, laughing at his own joke.

  Isaac laughed, too. Not because it was all that funny, but because laughter was infectious.

  He liked this. He felt warm and fuzzy, comfortable with this guy who kept smiling at him and laughing at his jokes. It’d been too long since he felt like this, since he’d really talked to anyone.

  Even though he was a stranger, Isaac liked him. Liked being near, liked the subtle scent of his cologne and even the whiskey on his breath.

  Which he was suddenly… really close to?

  It took Isaac several heartbeats too long to realize what was happening as Tim leaned in, and then his lips were pressed against Isaac’s, his hand curling around Isaac’s neck to hold him in place.

  With his heart pounding in his chest, Isaac couldn’t react at first. Tim was kissing him.

  That was… new.

  Isaac felt as though his thoughts were wading through molasses, slow and heavy. He should have been objecting. Pushing this guy away, breaking it to him gently that he wasn’t gay, wasn’t interested.

  He would have, too, if not for the warmth and fuzziness of being just tipsy enough not to care so much, and for the heat coiling in the pit of his stomach.

  This wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as it should have been. Isaac had expected kissing a man to be weird, but Tim’s lips were soft, and his mouth was warm, and...

  He snapped back to himself as he felt Tim’s lips part, his tongue swiping along the seam of Isaac’s.

  Isaac pulled away, pulse rushing in his ears. His lungs burned as he heaved for breath, his brain still struggling to catch up with what was going on.

  “I’m not, uh…” he began, struggling to get his thoughts in order. “Not gay. Not, umm, interested like that. Sorry.”

  Tim blinked at him.

  “Oh. I assumed you were bi,” he said. “The apologies are all mine.”

  “No, uh.” Isaac wet his lips, the faintest hint of a taste that didn’t belong to him still lingering on them. “Mixed signals, I guess?”

  “Or I was too eager to see something that wasn’t there,” Tim allowed graciously, giving Isaac a tiny nod. He wasn’t going to push this.

  That was good, right? Isaac just wanted to forget about it, didn’t he?

  “Let’s call it no one’s fault?” Tim suggested.

  Isaac nodded eagerly, his legs making him stand before he’d consciously decided to.

  “Look, uh… I’ve actually had a great night, but I think I need to go home. Hope you find what you’re looking for,” he said, already taking a step away.

  He didn’t want the poor guy to think he was freaking out, but, well…

  He was freaking out.

  Not least of all, he realized, because he hadn’t hated that nearly as much as he’d expected to.

  Being kissed was nice. That was all there had to be to it.

  The cold night air outside hit Isaac like a slap to the face, which was exactly what he needed right now.

  For the briefest moment, he turned back to look at the bar he’d just left. For a fraction of that moment, he thought about going back in.

  He shook the thought off before it had time to fully form. Even if he hadn’t just made an ass of himself, it was time he went home, anyway.

  What he needed was a good night’s sleep.

  And to never think about this again.

  Chapter Two

  Julian’s phone clattered to the floor as he scrolled through his Twitter feed over breakfast. Shock had made him lose his grip on it, his heart pounding at what he’d just read and seen.

  He got down on his hands and knees to retrieve it from right under the middle of the table, rubbing the dust off on his sweatpants as he heaved himself up to sit back down.

  Cautiously, he unlocked the phone again, prepared this time for what he was about to see.

  That was… definitely Isaac.

  Definitely kissing a man.

  Which was definitely new.

  At least, it was new to Julian and the rest of the world. The rest of the world was fine, but Isaac… Isaac was his best friend.

  Sure, they’d lost touch now that Isaac was busy with his career and Julian was comfortable in his unimportant office job that paid the bills and didn’t eat into his life too much, but…

  Well, maybe it was stupid to expect Isaac to know he could have come to him. The fact that he was gay didn’t necessarily make him an authority on all things not straight.

  It was just that he remembered Isaac being there for him when he’d been planning on coming out, agonizing over it, and he would have liked to return the favor.

  He couldn’t have gotten to where he was today, free of his asshole parents and living a happy, normal life if he hadn’t had Isaac to lean on.

  So it was kind of a shock that this was the first time he was hearing that Isaac was anything other than perfectly straight.

  And on third look, there was no question that the photo was of Isaac. The quality was awful because it had obviously been shot in low light, but Julian didn’t need to wonder if it was him or a lookalike. He knew.

  His heart wouldn’t have been trying to escape his chest if it wasn’t.

  Julian tore his eyes away from the photo long enough to open up his text messages. Should he contact Isaac?

  It’d been a while since they talked, so maybe that meant Isaac didn’t really want to hear from him. And since he’d just been outed to the entire world, he was probably really busy today.

  On the other hand, Julian would have wanted to hear from Isaac if the reverse had happened. He didn
’t have to fear being out anymore, but he remembered how scary it was the first time.

  Decision made, Julian opened a new message.

  Hey, he started, and then deleted it. They were closer than that, or had been once.

  I’m so proud of you, he tried instead, happier with that beginning. Straight to the point, so Isaac wouldn’t have to wonder whether this was a message of support or… otherwise.

  I just want you to know that if you need to talk about any of this, I’ll always be here for you, he added.

  His thumb hovered over the send button, his certainty that this was a good idea waning.

  The boy he’d had a crush on since middle school had just been outed to the world, involuntarily. What if he thought Julian was just trying to get into his pants?

  Julian took a deep breath, and then hit send before he could change his mind.

  Isaac didn’t know Julian had a vintage crush on him. He deserved Julian’s support. That was what best friends did.

  Maybe this would be a chance for them to reconnect. If nothing else, Julian missed being Isaac’s friend. He missed seeing him. It would have been nice to see him again, whatever the reason.

  Julian tucked his phone in his pocket, deciding he’d done more than enough catching up with the world for the moment. If there was any more important news, he’d hear about it as soon as he got into his office.

  They’d be doing end-of-month finances today, which always meant plenty of time to chat and avoid actual work.

  On second thought, he took his phone back out of his pocket and made sure it was set to vibrate. If Isaac did contact him, Julian didn’t want to miss it.

  He tamped down on the jealousy rising in his chest that Isaac had found a man who wasn’t him, and got to work finishing his morning coffee. All that mattered was that Isaac was happy.

  It was just a shame he couldn’t have been happy with Julian.

  Chapter Three

  “You wanna explain this?” Isaac’s mother asked, holding up a picture of him and Tim on her tablet.

  The same picture that had been plastered all over the internet by some asshole.

  “It’s an iPad,” Isaac said. “They’re like smartphones, but bigger.”

  His mother raised an eyebrow.

  Isaac sighed. “It’s… last night I went out, like I’m definitely allowed to do, and I got talking to this guy, and it was kinda fun, and then he kissed me. And obviously someone was quick enough to take a picture. I dunno, mom. I didn’t do this on purpose.”

  Mrs. Hudson sighed, setting the tablet down. “So when you say he kissed you…?”

  “I mean it,” Isaac said. “Totally one-sided, I guess that just happens sometimes.”

  “He should have asked first,” his mom said. Isaac smiled a tiny smile at her riding in to his rescue.

  Even if she was a little mad at him now, Isaac never doubted that she was there for him. It was why she was his manager. The one person he was sure he could trust.

  “I don’t think he was in on it or anything, for the record. I think he was just… lonely. And I am pretty cute.”

  His mother snorted. “I’m gonna have to get the doorways widened to fit your head through them one of these days.”

  Isaac grinned. He got his confidence from her, so if she didn’t like it, she only had herself to blame. And they both knew it.

  “Okay, okay,” she said, sitting down on the couch opposite him.

  It was nice to get to come home when his manager summoned him for a meeting. He knew other people who had to travel into inner-city offices just to get yelled at for living a normal life.

  “What do you want to do about this, PR-wise? You’ve definitely got a… well-documented history with women, so…”

  Isaac swallowed. Despite knowing he had his mom’s support, he was a little worried about the plan he was about to propose. If she didn’t like it…

  Well, there was only one way to find out.

  “So I’m thinking I wanna roll with it,” Isaac said.

  His mom raised an eyebrow again.

  “Hear me out, okay? Because the thing is… yeah, some people are being dicks about this, but I have so many messages from kids—teenagers and stuff—telling me how good it is to see someone like them in tennis. Kids who play and were afraid that not being straight would get in their way. I don’t wanna break their hearts.”

  “So your solution is to lie to them?” his mom asked.

  Isaac shrugged. It was possible he hadn’t entirely thought this through.

  “I figure no one ever has to know. I was thinking actually… there’s a charity tournament in a couple of weeks, and it’s to support… you know, kids who aren’t straight. It’s called Love, All. And there’s nothing stopping me from entering…”

  “Except your shoulder,” his mom reminded.

  Isaac’s shoulder twinged as though it’d heard her.

  “I’m most of the way recovered,” he said, genuinely believing that. The occasional twinge was nothing. He’d known going into his career that he’d come out of it with an injury or two, the kind that hurt in the winter.

  He wasn’t ready to give up yet, though, and if he wanted to be fit and ready to go in time for competition season… this was a good option.

  Besides, it’d help all those kids who’d reached out to him.

  It felt good, for once in his life, to be someone people could look up to. He wanted to hold onto that feeling with both hands.

  “You’ve got a whole plan, huh? And are you gonna track down this guy at the bar and lead him on too, or…?”

  Isaac shook his head. “No, of course not. He seemed like a nice guy, I’m not planning on hurting him, but… I know that to sell this I need a boyfriend.”

  “You sound like you’ve got someone in mind.”

  Isaac wet his lips. “Julian texted me this morning. Said he was proud of me.” He smiled wryly. If he felt guilty for any of this, it was that Julian was going to be disappointed when he found out the truth.

  But that was also why Isaac wanted to do it. He remembered what it was like for Julian to feel alone in the world. He couldn’t do much to help him then except hug him while he cried, but now…

  Now he could make a lot of kids like Julian feel less alone. Who wouldn’t take the chance to do that?

  And all he had to do was tell one tiny, little lie. If it was for a good cause, it was okay, right?

  His mom lit up at the mention of Julian’s name. “Oh, how is he? I was thinking about him the other day.”

  Guilt twisted Isaac’s stomach again. He’d fallen out of touch with Julian, and he regretted it. He’d been surprised Julian cared enough to text him.

  But now that he had… well, if this also gave him the chance to get to see his best friend again, that sounded like a bonus. He missed Julian. He’d just been afraid that Julian wouldn’t want to talk to him after everything.

  It was Isaac’s fault they’d fallen out of touch. He’d gotten caught up in his career and the fame that came with it. And then he’d thought it was too late to change anything.

  Getting Julian’s text had made him happier than he had been in a long time.

  “I don’t actually know,” Isaac confessed. “I haven’t responded to him yet. I wanted to run this by you first.”

  “I don’t like it,” his mom said, pursing her lips.

  “Mom…” Isaac sighed. “I’ve had a reputation for being kind of an asshole since my career started taking off. And I deserve most of it, too. This… this is my chance to make up for that. To do something good with having the spotlight on me. I don’t wanna walk away from this career wishing I’d had the balls to make a difference. I wanna walk away proud of myself. This is my shot at that.”

  His mom’s face softened. Hope bloomed in Isaac’s chest.

  “Well, I could never stop you from doing whatever you wanted anyway, so you might as well do it with my blessing,” she said. She didn’t sound all that upset, though.


  Isaac had expected her not to like the lie, but he was glad she wasn’t opposed to the gay part.

  Well…

  “You can’t hope to convince people you’re gay,” she said, as if on cue.

  “Right, sure, but bisexuality is a thing. I could totally be bi.”

  His mother smiled wryly. “You really have thought of everything, huh?”

  “Not even close.” Isaac laughed. He didn’t have a backup plan if Julian said no. He had no idea what he was going to do or say.

  But those things seemed like minor details. Julian would help him, and he’d figure out the rest as he went along.

  “I just need you to get me into the tournament. The lineup’s already been announced, but you’ve always been able to work magic with stuff like that.”

  “I’ll get you in,” his mom promised. “But you need to get cleared by your doctor first, because I’m not risking making your shoulder worse before the pro season starts.”

  “I’ll get cleared,” Isaac said. “I’m sure I’m fine.”

  His mom nodded. “Okay, then. This is the plan going forward. I’ll get to work, and you need to respond to Julian. He’s a good boy.”

  Isaac grinned. He’d known Julian’s involvement would be a selling point to this whole thing.

  All he had to do now was figure out what to say to him.

  Chapter Four

  Julian stared up at the sign for the restaurant Isaac had asked to meet him at, peering inside just to make sure Isaac hadn’t beaten him here.

  He was a solid fifteen minutes early, so it seemed unlikely, but he would have hated to stand around outside like an idiot if Isaac was waiting for him.

  Every time he thought about seeing Isaac again, a swarm of butterflies took flight in his stomach. It’d been a while, and they’d probably both changed.

  The fact that Isaac had actually taken him up on his offer was a surprise, but Julian wasn’t about to complain. He genuinely wanted to help, if he could. Isaac had been there for him. He’d never forget that.

  Julian turned to check his hair in the reflection from the window, pushing the one stubborn strand that kept sticking out into place again. It wasn’t his worst hair day, but it wasn’t his best, either.