Taking a Knee Read online

  Taking a Knee

  SEAN ASHCROFT

  Copyright © 2016 by Sean Ashcroft

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Baltimore City cover image by Patrick Gillespie used under a CC-BY license.

  Chapter One

  Taking a Knee (phr.)

  1.In roller derby, the act of dropping to one knee when another player is injured on the track, as a sign of respect, and to allow them to get help.

  2.‘Getting down on one knee’, as in a proposal of marriage.

  Noah hated to sit out any part of practice, but there was hardly any point in him being there today anyway. Not with the way things had gone for him this week. He stared down at the email on his phone for the hundredth time, his stomach knotting up even more than it already had been.

  Cutbacks. Trim the fat. Last in, first out.

  All phrases he never wanted to see again. Life had obviously gotten a little too easy for him. The cosmos had to turn around and kick him in the teeth eventually.

  He would have traded it for an actual kick in the teeth any day of the week. He could take those. He had taken those and gotten up immediately to keep playing. This was… this was something else.

  “Hey,” Jace rolled to a stop in front of him, forcing Noah to look up. Noah watched him take his mouth guard out so they could talk. “Sorry about how hard I knocked you before. You usually take it a little better than that.”

  “I’m fine,” Noah assured him, sighing. “Just a little distracted.”

  Jace sat down next to him, his knee pads creaking as he lowered himself. “Wanna talk about it?”

  Noah laughed bitterly. Trust Jace to remind him of why he was so upset. Why he didn’t want to leave this team or the people in it. Especially Jace, who’d been his best friend since practically the moment they met.

  “I lost my job. Tomorrow’s my last day,” he said.

  “Crap. Sorry, man. So you’re job hunting?”

  Noah shook his head. “I’m here on a non-immigration visa. It’s specific to that job. So I guess I’m… leaving.”

  The job, he could live without. He had savings, and he had skills. He could find another one. Except without the job he came for, he was going to lose his visa and be forced to go back to Canada. Montreal was a long, long way from Baltimore.

  He could find a new roller derby team back home, but it wouldn’t be this team. This team that he loved, that he’d found a home-away-from-home in. His team, where they’d made him team captain at the start of this season because they believed in him, because they all fit together. That wasn’t something you could just find elsewhere.

  He’d never get an immigration visa fast enough, and he was fairly sure he’d have to leave the country to apply anyway. So that meant this was probably his last practice session. There was no point in continuing to show up if he was leaving soon. The team needed to pick a new captain and move on.

  “Jesus. Do you need, like… a hug?” Jace offered.

  Noah did need a hug. He needed a lot more than a hug. “I need a hug, a drink, and a green card,” he said.

  “Well, the first two I can do. The third one… I dunno what to tell you. If you wanted to be a nurse, there’s plenty of room for those. You could get a study visa.”

  “Thanks, but no. I don’t know how you do it. I couldn’t deal with people all the time like that. Especially not sick people. Sick kids,” Noah said. He admired Jace’s choice of career as a pediatric nurse. The thought of doing it alone made him uncomfortable. He could barely put up with himself when he was sick. How Jace did it without having a breakdown after every shift was a mystery to him.

  Jace pulled him into a bear hug, squeezing him tight. He was a big guy, which was what made him the perfect blocker. It was hard to get past a man who was a little over six feet tall and built like a lumberjack. It also made him great at hugs, and now Noah regretted all the times he hadn’t asked Jace for a hug. He’d miss the opportunity for more of them.

  “It’s gonna suck to lose you. You’re our best chance at going to the nationals next year.”

  Noah blushed. That wasn’t quite true. It was a good team. They could elect a new captain in a heartbeat, and while jammer was an important position, it mostly required speed and an unhealthy lack of fear, which weren’t necessarily unique qualities. Noah had always run head-first into things, so doing it in derby seemed natural. The team didn’t need Noah anywhere near as much as he’d come to need them.

  “You’ll be fine without me,” Noah said, knowing it was true. They were most of the way through the season now anyway, and they only had to win each of the next three games by a handful of points to qualify for the national competition next year.

  “We’ll miss you,” Jace insisted. “And we’re nearly through with the season. You sure you can’t just overstay? I’ll hide you in my apartment if the feds come for you.”

  “I appreciate the offer, but I’d like to be able to come back. It’s not forever. It’s just for a while, I guess. With no guarantee that I can come back to Baltimore.” Noah swallowed. He didn’t want to cry in front of his teammates, but he did want to cry. He’d built a life in Baltimore, and he didn’t want to have to leave it all behind.

  The derby team were his family. Leaving them because of something so simple and stupid as immigration laws was enough to break his heart.

  “Hey, we might come up against each other someday, if we make nationals. Then I can kick your ass for real.”

  Noah snorted. “In your dreams, maybe.”

  He didn’t bother to mention that Canada was not actually a state of the US, and therefore probably wouldn’t be participating in a US national competition. Jace was only trying to cheer him up, and Noah desperately wanted to be cheered up right now, even if it was by clinging to an impossibility.

  “Oh, I know I show up in your dreams.” Jace grinned. “I am a hot piece of ass, and it’s only natural that you should want me.”

  “Jace, I’m gay. Not blind,” Noah teased. Jace was objectively hot, with a naturally muscular frame and soulful, kind eyes. All serious skaters had great asses and thighs, and he was no exception. He also had a great smile, and that was the thing Noah looked for most in a man. That didn’t mean he had to let Jace know that.

  “Hurts, man. Hurts.” Jace shook his head, pretending to be wounded by the exchange. Noah was about to respond when the rest of the team started chanting King of the Track.

  Noah loved King of the Track, and he was good at it. The training game was simple: last man standing wins. Noah wasn’t the biggest guy on the team—he was arguably the smallest—but he was fast and nimble on his skates. He stood, throwing his phone back in his gear bag.

  This was the perfect way to work out some of his frustration. That was why he was here tonight and not desperately searching for an apartment back home instead.

  “Not as much as it’s gonna hurt when I beat the crap out of you.” Noah offered his hand to help Jace up. Jace took it, levering himself off the bench and straightening. Once Jace was standing, Noah fitted his mouth guard back in without another pause.

  “Oh, it’s on, baby. It’s on.” Jace grinned again, taking off toward the track, mouth guard still in hand. Noah took the opportunity to take one last look at Jace’s ass before following him, knowing this might be his last chance to claim the King of the Track title with this team. He could definitely use the free after-training drink that traditionally came with it.

  The coach blew the whistle for them to start, and Noah went in no-holds-barred, body checking the first blocker who came at him and
zipping out of the pack, leaving the rest of them to fight it out. If he let a few of them fight among themselves, he could come in at the end and take out whoever was left.

  He rolled around the far side, taking his time as the remaining three blockers fought among themselves. As he swerved around the fourth turn, back to where they’d started from, Rafe rolled out of bounds, cursing and flailing before landing on his ass, legs out in front. He’d never mastered falling properly, but he was a good pivot, and that meant the whole team was happy to live with the penalty when he did fall.

  Half the fun of roller derby was breaking the rules, anyway.

  That only left Jace in the running, which was usually how it went. He and Noah might have been rivals under other circumstances, but roller derby was a friendly sport. Even the rivalries between teams were friendly, for the most part. It was nice to be involved in something where Noah didn’t feel as though he was at risk of having his throat cut from behind.

  Web development shouldn’t have been as competitive and back-stabbing an industry as it was. They were all there to create great things. But considering he was sure he’d lost his job because of a few people who didn’t like him, Noah wasn’t feeling charitable about it right now.

  Derby was his sanctuary. Bruises healed, people you knocked over forgave you, everyone understood the concept of being a good sport. Especially here, in this region. Noah was going to miss it as much as he would if he was leaving a limb behind.

  He was so distracted by that thought that he skated directly into Jace’s very solid chest, without bracing himself for the impact. Before he could stop himself, he was falling, about to land flat on his ass.

  Jace caught him by the arm, saving him a few inches from the ground. Noah frowned at him, confused. Jace wouldn’t pass up the opportunity to win a game.

  Just as he was wondering what was going wrong, Jace turned them both around and set Noah down.

  Out of bounds.

  Of course. He wasn’t giving up the chance to win. He was just paying Noah back for the comment about not being blind.

  Jace grinned broadly. It was really a pity he was straight, because while it was a bad idea to fuck your teammate—especially your derby husband—he was about to leave. Noah would have really liked to fuck Jace just once, to see what it was like.

  “I’ll still buy you that drink,” Jace lisped around his mouth guard, then offered his hand again to help Noah up.

  Noah was definitely going to need it. Everyone in his office would deserve it if he went in for his last day hungover.

  “Good going, boys,” Coach Williams said. She’d retired from the women’s league, which made her the most qualified coach in the region, as far as Noah was concerned. Men’s roller derby was still incredibly young compared to women’s, so they needed all the help they could get. Coach Williams had been skating competitively since before there was a Men’s Roller Derby Association.

  Noah still kind of wanted to grow up to be her. She’d made the Murderland Rollers what they were today. The team would go on without him, but it wouldn’t have gone on if she decided to quit.

  That was what hurt the most, in some ways. The team would be fine without him, but he wouldn’t be fine without the team. He knew from the way he felt now that he really wouldn’t be fine.

  “Hey, you comin’?” Jace shouted across the stadium.

  “In a minute,” Noah replied. “One last lap.”

  Jace nodded, understanding written all over his face. Noah took to the track one last time, Coach Williams watching him with interest. He skated around it once, and then glided off.

  “I’m gonna miss this place,” he said to no one in particular.

  “You goin’ somewhere?” she asked.

  “Home.” Noah huffed a laugh. “Or back to where I was born, anyway. This place is home.”

  “I hear that,” Coach Williams agreed. “Shame to see you go.”

  “Believe me, I don’t want to. Immigration is a bitch.”

  “That it is. Do I at least get a hug?” she asked. Noah smiled, rolling over to her and letting her hug him. She gave great hugs. Derby girls always did. The women’s team was extremely cool, and he wished the chance to hang out with them came up more often. The joint end-of-season party was really the only opportunity, since they played on different schedules.

  “We’ll miss you. And you’re always welcome back,” she said. “Gotta go through fresh meat training again, though.”

  Noah laughed at that. “That’s cruel to the actual fresh meat, Coach.”

  Coach Williams shrugged. “Gotta break ‘em before you can make ‘em.”

  Noah wanted to laugh again, but the sound caught in his throat. He nodded instead, turning toward the locker rooms and giving the coach a wave as he left. This was the end of an era, and he would have done anything to stop it.

  Chapter Two

  The more he thought about it, the more sick to his stomach Jace felt at the prospect of Noah leaving. Noah had been the first person to talk to him when he was new to derby, and they’d been inseparable ever since.

  Noah was what people called a derby husband to him. The guy who watched your back during a game, the guy who’d take a penalty or an elbow to the crotch for you, the guy who held your hand if you broke something. Thankfully, in the two and a half years he’d known Noah, a sprained ankle was the worst that had happened to him. But if he’d really injured himself, he knew Noah would be the guy stopping the game and waiting in the hospital for him.

  Noah was his best friend, on the track and off. The thought of just losing him over something as dumb as a visa… it was too much. Jace had spent most of his life not caring a whole lot about immigration laws, but they suddenly seemed like his worst enemy. How could they just uproot a guy who’d made a life here, hadn’t caused any trouble, and would be able to support himself without a job until he got a new one? It wasn’t as though Noah was going to end up being some kind of burden. America was lucky to have him.

  By the time they’d all gotten to the bar, he wished he’d let Noah have one last victory to go out on. He wished even more that Noah wouldn’t go. If there was anything he could have done to prevent it, he would already have been working on it. But he couldn’t pull a green card out of thin air, or a job offer—the hospital was in the middle of layoffs, so they weren’t about to hire anyone right now.

  It sucked, and he couldn’t do anything to fix it. Jace liked to be pointed at a problem and allowed to solve it, and this wasn’t something he could solve.

  He ordered his and Noah’s third beer of the evening and looked across the bar at him, laughing with Rafe and Brian. The rest of the people who’d showed up to practice were scattered around, taking up most of the small tables and darkened alcoves the whole place was made up of. Except Diego, who had reminded them that some people had families to go home to and only stayed for the one drink, which was probably smart. Practice sessions were on Wednesdays, so hangovers were on Thursdays.

  Thursdays were Jace’s permanent day off from the hospital, though, and Brian only worked a half-day. Besides, he was a doctor, not a nurse. He spent most of his days in his office.

  Jace didn’t know much about Rafe, except that he was a damn good pivot. As far as Jace knew, no one really knew a whole lot about him. He seemed to be keeping it that way on purpose.

  As long as he showed up for practice and on game days, Jace figured he could do whatever the hell he wanted. Most of them were close enough, and definitely friends outside of the track, with Rafe as one of few exceptions. Jace was closer to Noah than anyone, though. Noah was the guy he texted at 2am on game day when he couldn’t sleep.

  Jace knew better than to have three drinks in the space of two hours. He was just a little too old. But Noah was leaving, and Jace really, really didn’t want to see him go. He could add the third drink to his growing list of regrets.

  Halfway back to their table, a thought struck Jace. Once it had occurred to him, he couldn’t
see why he hadn’t thought of it before.

  He could pull a green card out of thin air. Of course he could.

  He set Noah’s beer down in front of him, and looked him directly in the eye. “Marry me,” he said.

  Noah stared at him.

  Jace sat down beside Noah, taking a sip of his own beer. “If the problem is getting a green card, marry me. I don’t have a whole lot to offer, but I do have citizenship. Born and raised. You can stick around for the rest of the season that way, and for the nationals next year. It’s perfect.”

  “You’re not gay,” Noah said. He hadn’t said no, though.

  “So?”

  A fake marriage was a fake marriage. They’d have to live together, sure, but after that? No one was going to ask to watch them consummate it. They were already best friends. None of their other friends were likely to tell on them, if they even realized it wasn’t legit.

  “Can we not talk about engaging in fraud in a public bar?” Noah said. “I don’t want to stay here by going to prison.”

  Jace’s heart sank. He’d thought it was a good idea. It would have solved all of their problems, and it wasn’t as though he was going to marry anyone else in the foreseeable future. Neither was Noah, unless he’d had a secret boyfriend all this time.

  He wanted a chance at making the nationals. Winning them, even. Without Noah, that chance was gone. He wasn’t just the best jammer on the team, he was really the only jammer. Everyone else was too big, too slow. Noah was lithe and fast and fearless. He was everything a jammer needed to be.

  They might as well give up all hope of even winning the finals if Noah was leaving. It took a special person to be a good jammer, and Noah was the only one Jace had met.

  Besides that, Noah was his best friend. He was about to leave a person-sized hole in Jace’s life, one that wouldn’t be easy to fill.

  “Sorry.” Jace played with his beer bottle. “Just a thought.”